Crushed

I'm naive. Totally. I know it and try to work around it. My daughter is a great kid- smart, helpful, kind to others, funny, interesting to talk to and pretty cute on top of it. Or at least most of the time. My Princess Wink... her sister called her that once. But I'm totally disappointed in my daughter this weekend. She blew it. My last words to her Friday night were "I trust you to make good decisions." And I thought she would. Dorky, I know, but usually guilt is an effective tool. She didn't. I'm horribly angry with her.
But then she had a horrible fight with one of her friends and I feel so awful for her. And disappointed in the friend because I like him a ton. Is it bad that I've grown to like some of her friends so much that I'm upset when she stops hanging with them? This is hard. Now I understand why my mom was so upset when I broke up with Jeff Lagemann. =)
Do I expect too much? Probably. But she's such a great kid and I know what she's capable of and I just want her to do the right thing. Maybe because I know how hard it can turn out to be when you do the wrong. Do I think she's always going to be the good, kind kid that always does the right thing? No. I do understand the pressure that teen-agers put on each other and I know how hard it can be to resist. It really hasn't been that long. Seems like yesterday at some moments. ha.
One of her friends made the comment to me "Don't you want her to make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons?" He wasn't being a smartass, I think he geniunely wanted to know. The answer is as simple as this: not really. Sure, I want her to be a interesting adult with lots of great experiences under her belt, but I think she can do that without drinking or doing drugs or being mean or sleeping around or any of the other dumb things that teenagers think are cool. And it's not out of a need to control her or anything. It's out of love- and fear. I can't bear the thought of her not growing up to be happy and whole. I can't bear the thought of her not realizing her potential. And I can't even fathom the thought of losing her. I'd stop functioning, I think. So if I have to be the over-protective-mom-patrol that every kid hates, well then, so be it. I'll be like the guard at the gate of the princess, slashing down the enemy.
Ha. I kind of like that image.